(This title will make sense to you in a little while, I promise!)
Today I read this great post over at The Seated View. Lene writes about her goal of writing a book, and how to balance that goal with the realities of chronic pain. One of the goals I’ve set for myself this year is to write more, so this post came at just the right time for me.
About a decade ago, I read the book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. The author talks about the practice of writing “morning pages” – three pages a day of free, uncensored writing done longhand first thing in the morning, a pure spill of thought/emotion onto the page. (Lene refers to a similar practice described in “Writing Down the Bones” by Natalie Goldberg, another book I’ve read.) This was before I had RA, so I was able to do the morning pages with no issues. A few years ago, I revisited “The Artist’s Way” and tried to do the morning pages, but found that there was just no way my stiff wrists would let me write three longhand pages first thing in the morning. The author was very clear on the importance of writing longhand, pen on paper, to activate the creative flow. So I wrote to her and asked if she had any thoughts on how to adapt this exercise for someone with a disability. I never got an answer.
Lene writes, “So what’s a writer with chronic pain to do? You mess with the rules to find a way that works for you.” And she’s right. I think this is something I haven’t always been willing or able to do. But I’m working on it now. When I set my writing goal at the beginning of January, I made a list for myself of different types of writing tasks and different ways to do them. This gives me options on days when I’m not doing as well, so at least I can do SOMETHING every day.
Lene also talks about the Dorothy Parker quote: “Writing is the art of applying ass to seat.” Which brings me to one of my other goals:
The pianist’s version of Ass to Seat – what I like to call “Butt on Bench.”
Operation Butt on Bench has been going on for several months now. Before that, I was engaging in all-or-nothing thinking about my practice. I used to practice for at least three hours a day, and that hasn’t been possible for a long time – so I stopped practicing at all. For a professional musician, this isn’t acceptable.
So now my butt is on the bench every day, for ten-minute blocks. If it’s a bad day, I only do one block. Even on a good day, I take it easy – I am focused on building stamina slowly and carefully. What I do when my butt is on the bench also varies. For the first block of the day, and whenever I am having a bad day, I practice in exteme slow-motion. (This is good for the brain and the body, anyway – slow practice is highly recommended by a lot of musicians.) On a really bad day, I might study a score, watch YouTube videos of other pianists, or listen to recordings instead of playing. The point is to spend time being a musician every single day, for at least a little while.
It takes discipline for me to do this. It actually takes two different, opposing kinds of discipline. The first is the discipline of getting my butt on the bench when I don’t feel like it. The second is the discipline of getting my butt OFF the bench so I don’t injure myself or get into a flare. Both of these things are a real struggle for me.
Anyway, I’m grateful to Lene for sharing her thoughts. And I can’t wait to read the book that I KNOW she’ll finish.