Remicade Dream

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

 - Emily Dickinson

I was in the middle of writing a long blog post, but I suddenly erased it.  It was full of medical details and information, and it made me think of this post that WarmSocks over at ∞ itis wrote.  I think it’s great to share medical details on our blogs - this is how we learn things and support each other.  But today, for this topic, getting into the nitty-gritty is really a defense mechanism for me, a way to avoid talking about what I really need to talk about.

My husband and I have decided that we really want another baby.  The post I deleted got into all sorts of complicated medical reasons why this may not be the best idea.  All of that is interesting, but isn’t the main point.  The main point is this:  Yesterday we went to see a high-risk OBGYN for a pre-conception consultation, and came away from the meeting feeling optimistic and hopeful.  We asked him to give us an honest, straightforward assessment of our risks and challenges, and he surprised us by saying that he thinks that our chances of a healthy pregnancy are excellent.  Even better, he made immediate plans to consult with my endocrinologist and rheumatologist to form a plan for my care that will make everyone comfortable.

So unless things change, we are going to try.  We know that we may not succeed, for all of the reasons I outlined in the post I deleted.    We know going in that it will be high-risk if we do succeed.  We also know that life with two children will be more challenging than life with one, especially if my RA or other conditions worsen.

But right now, I choose to focus on hope.